1 You can enjoy a LAGER all month. 2 LAGER stains wash out. 3 You don't have to wine and dine a LAGER. 4 Your LAGER will always wait patiently for you in the car. 5 When LAGER goes flat you toss it out. 6 LAGER is never late. 7 HANGOVERS go away. 8 A LAGER doesn't get jealous when you grab another LAGER. 9 LAGER labels come off without a fight. 10 When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a LAGER. 11 LAGER never has a headache. 12 A LAGER won't get upset if you come home with LAGER on your breath 13 If you pour a LAGER right, you will always get good head. 14 You can have more than one LAGER a night and not feel guilty. 15 A LAGER ALWAYS goes down easy. 16 You can share a LAGER with your friends. 17 You always know that you are the first one to pop a LAGER. 18 A LAGER is always wet. 19 LAGER doesn't demand equality. 20 A LAGER doesn't care when you come. 21 You can have a LAGER in public. 22 A frigid LAGER is a good LAGER. 23 You don't have to wash a LAGER before it tastes good. 24 LAGER always comes in multiples of four. 25 LAGER doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left. 26 You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a LAGER. 27 After you have a LAGER, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle. 28 A LAGER never costs you more than five pounds and never leaves you thirsty. 29 When your LAGER is gone, you just pop another. 30 LAGER looks the same in the morning. 31 LAGER doesn't worry about someone walking in. 32 LAGER doesn't worry about waking the kids. 33 LAGER doesn't get cramps. 34 LAGER doesn't have a mother. 35 LAGER doesn't have morals. 36 LAGER doesn't go psycho once a month. 37 LAGER always listens and never argues. 38 LAGER labels don't go out of style every year. 39 LAGER doesn't whine, it bubbles. 40 LAGER doesn't have cold hands/feet. 41 LAGER is never overweight. 42 If you change LAGERs, you don't have to pay alimony. 43 LAGER won't run off with your credit cards. 44 LAGER doesn't have a lawyer. 45 LAGER doesn't need much wardrobe space. 46 LAGER can't give your herpes or other nasty things. 47 LAGER doesn't complain about the way you drive. 48 LAGER doesn't mind if you fart or belch. 49 LAGER never changes its mind. 50 LAGER doesn't tease you or play hard to get. 51 LAGER never asks you to change the channel. 52 LAGER doesn't make you go shopping. 53 LAGER doesn't tell you to mow the grass. 54 LAGER doesn't mind seeing chainsaw films 55 LAGER is always easy to pick up. 56 Big, fat LAGERs are nice to have. 57 LAGER doesn't pout or play games. 58 LAGER NEVER says no. 59 LAGER is easy to get into. 60 LAGER never complains when you take it somewhere. 61 LAGER doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other LAGERs 62 LAGER doesn't wear a bra. 63 LAGER doesn't mind getting dirty. 64 LAGER doesn't complain about insensitivity. 65 LAGER doesn't use up your toilet paper. 66 LAGER doesn't live with its mother. 67 LAGER doesn't blow you off. 68 LAGER doesn't care if you have no culture or manners. 69 LAGER doesn't bitch, yell, or cry. 70 LAGER doesn't mind football season. 71 A LAGER won't make you go to church. 72 A LAGER is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman. 73 A LAGER doesn't give a fuck if you keep a bunch of other LAGERs around. 74 If a LAGER leaks all over the room, it smells good for a while. 75 A LAGER will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of "doberperson". 76 A LAGER won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station. 77 A LAGER won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads. 78 A LAGER won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up. 79 A LAGER won't whine that seatbelts hurt. 80 A LAGER won't smoke in your car. 81 A LAGER will actually "support" belching and farting and share 82 A LAGER is always ready to leave on time. 83 A LAGER never fishes for compliments. 84 LAGER tastes "good". 85 If you take a LAGER outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the LAGER won't accuse you of "date rape". 86 A LAGER won't raise any objections to an evening of watching "Debbi does Dallas" on your video. 87 An ice-cold LAGER will nonetheless let you have your way with it. 88 A LAGER won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the corner shop. 89 A LAGER won't accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse "just for the articles". 90 A LAGER will "never" make you go to a poncy French Art Film. 91 When you're through with a LAGER, the thought of another LAGER doesn't make you ill.