she looks like someone set he face alight and put it out with a shovel.

yo mama is so nasty ozzie ozbourne refused to bite her head off

Your so far up your own arse, you can see the back of your own teeth!
 
Your so ugly, the midewife slapped your mother.

You've got a face like a camel chewing toast

she had a twat like a punched doghnut

I met a woman who had a face that Bondo couldn't fix.

You`ve got tits like a roofers nailbags

You've got a face like a pitbull chewing a toffee

I`ve seen a better looking head on a pint
 
They spoilt a good arse when they put teeth in your mouth

The last time i saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it!

"You've got a face like a welders bench"

"If I had a face like yours I'd teach my arse to talk"

"Have you a licence to wear that face"

Find a girl that is really stuck up and say to her.
'Does it hurt'?
When she says what!
'Being so far up your self'  

A face like a bulldog sniffing piss of a nettle

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

A face like a slate hangers nail bag

A face like a bag of smashed twats

More gob than a cows got cunt

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 

A few clowns short of a circus. 

A few fries short of a Happy Meal 

A few Cokes short of a six-pack. 

A few peas short of a casserole. 

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead. 

One taco short of a combination plate. 

A few feathers short of a whole duck. 

All foam, no beer. 

The cheese slid off his cracker. 

Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. 

He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. 

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. 

As smart as bait. 

Chimney's clogged. 

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. 

Forgot to pay his brain bill. 

Her sewing machine's out of thread. 

His belt doesn't go through all the loops. 

No grain in the silo. 

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little further apart than most.